Losing a child (at any stage) is the most devastating experience any parent can ever experience.
My husband and I have been married for two and years half; August 21 we will be celebrating our three year anniversary. Having kids was always part of the plan. Coming from a big family, I could not see myself not having children.
After two unsuccessful pregnancies (first miscarriage and second still birth) it become clear to us that the pregnancy journey was a lot more complex than we thought and that it was truly a miracle to be able to go full term and deliver without any complication.
We Chose Not To Give Up
Although this situation didn’t seemed a lot promising, there was still a chance (hope). We refused to limit ourselves just because the doctors said there was a 50/50 risk. Coming from a Christian background, we accepted the fact that this situation was bigger than us and that we couldn’t put our trust and hope in medicine or doctors. A child is a gift from God, He alone knows why our journey had to be this way. There was a greater purpose for it and we had to continue trusting God’s plan for our lives, regardless of challenges we to faced.
My Life Today
I am currently 8 months pregnant. After my last pregnancy that ended at 5 months, the results came back that I have an incompetent cervix (cervical insufficiency). I got intervention operation at 16 weeks (know as Cerclage). By doing this it lowered, but, didn’teliminate the risk of having a preterm delivery and losing the baby. The doctor has me on bed-rest until I deliver.
Being on bed-rest, I am limited from many things. I can’t stand more than 15 minutes, can’t walk more than 20 minutes and can’t lift anything above 10 lbs. These limitations can be draining and stressful at times but I am keeping a positive mindset. We went from not knowing what was going on, to getting an answer with ongoing support to help us have a successful pregnancy. I am at peace. Having a child is a privilege and knowing that my bundle of joy is growing every day; all I can do is be grateful to God for this opportunity and continue to trust in His plan.
Coping With A loss.
Coping with a loss is a healing journey that requires nothing but time. We all heal differently, for some it can take days, for others it can take years. The strategy that worked best for my husband and I (as I mentioned in my video: My Miscarriage Story and Pregnancy) is that we healed the way it worked best for us. If we felt like crying we cried. We were very transparent and none judgmental to each other’s feelings and thoughts. Praying together and reminding each other of our faith in God in moments where we were down. This is truly what helped us to cope with our loss a lot better. No one should force a parent to not mourn for the loss of their child. My advice to those who have or are experiencing something similar would be:
1. Take all the time you need to heal.
2. Couples, be there for eachother. You guys need each other to heal.
3. Don’t feel bad about crying. It’s okay to not be okay.
4. Don’t reject or push away those who want to be there for you. This is a hard journey to travel alone.
5. Take care of yourself, mentally and physically.
6. Don’t lose hope. Trust God.
My heart and prayers goes out to you who are suffering this type of loss. Know that you are not alone. We have a God who loves us unconditionally and doesn’t want us to travel this journey alone. Let’s continue to trust Him regardless of the outcome. God’s plan is never to harm us.
The bible tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 New Living Translation:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope”.